I dated Josh for two months. We went to dinner, had sleepovers and really enjoyed each other’s company. I told him about my not so great relationship with my dad, he told me about his perfect family. He was dropping me off at my house one morning when he said,
“I don’t want a girlfriend, so I don’t think there’s a point to this anymore.”
I was stunned. I went home and cried, then I pleaded. I texted him that we could hang out as friends. Or we could just hookup- I can do that, I’m totally cool with that! (Plot twist: I was so not cool with that) He didn’t answer me. So the next day, I texted him again. And again. You get the point. Josh agreed to meet me for coffee and we ended up dating for a little while longer. But again, before things became too serious, Josh left me in the dust.
Does an almost-relationship hurt less when it ends than a “real” relationship? It depends who you ask. My relationship with Josh hurt, but not as badly as some of my more serious breakups. Throughout my years of being single, I think I’ve pinpointed some things to watch out for.
These signs could mean you are well into your own almost-relationship.
- You have designated days you hang out- but no more than twice a week. A relationship should progress naturally. Sure, hanging out on Tuesdays and Saturdays is cool in the beginning. We’re all busy! But at some point, the person you’re dating should be progressing into more areas of your life. Your friend is throwing a party on Friday night? Your significant other should be there, even if it doesn’t fall on their designated day. Pay attention to how your relationship progresses. If it feels right to you, trust that feeling.
- You haven’t met his friends. Or his family. Where does he even live? At some point in every relationship, we have to intertwine our relationships. Our partner will meet our friends and family, when it feels right. If he’s making jokes with your friends like they’ve always been buddies and you can’t even name one friend he may have, there could be a problem.
- He blows you off. Early in a relationship, it seems like two people can’t get enough of each other. If you’re constantly making plans and something always comes up (I have to work late. I’m exhausted. Can we re-schedule for next week?) Don’t get me wrong, life happens. People get tired. But if you’ve been blown off more than three times in the first six months of dating, it could be time to reconsider.
- He “just doesn’t like titles”. Listen, some people don’t. But if you are someone looking for a serious relationship, eventually you’d like to be someones girlfriend, right? Don’t lie to yourself. If having a boyfriend, or a husband, is important to you- please don’t settle for someone who introduces you as “his friend”.
- He says he doesn’t want a girlfriend. Ladies. This is the biggest one. If a man says this to you AT ANY POINT while dating, take a step back. You may think you can change his mind especially because he said he doesn’t want one now, but maybe in the future! When a man says he isn’t looking for a girlfriend, he isn’t looking for you to be his girlfriend.
- He only texts or calls last minute, usually after 9pm. If you find yourself getting last minute texts at night, it’s because you’re a last minute thought. A man who is serious about you will make plans with you in advance. He values your time just as much as he values his own.
What are your thoughts on almost-relationships?